15 Struggles Every Scuba Diver Knows Too Well

Scuba diving gives us access to another world. We float weightlessly over coral reefs, meet incredible marine life, explore wrecks, and occasionally wonder why we ever chose a hobby that requires carrying half our body weight in equipment just to become weightless underwater.

Because behind every beautiful underwater photo is a diver who probably spent ten minutes fighting with a wetsuit, accidentally swallowed seawater, and is currently wondering where they left their mask.

If you dive regularly, at least a few of these will probably feel painfully familiar.

1. The Wetsuit Dance

Putting on a wetsuit should be simple.

It is not.

First comes the pulling. Then the jumping. Then the strange twisting movement that looks somewhere between yoga and a wrestling match.

A dry wetsuit is difficult enough. A damp wetsuit from the previous dive appears to actively resist being worn.

By the time you finally get inside it, you may already need a surface interval.

2. The Mask Versus Your Hair

Long haired divers know this battle particularly well.

Everything seems fine until the mask strap catches several strands of hair.

Then someone helpfully adjusts your mask.

Pain.

This is usually the moment you remember that neoprene mask strap cover you have been meaning to buy for the last three years.

3. Washing Gear Forever

The dive ends.

Now comes the second activity of the day: rinsing equipment.

BCD. Regulators. Mask. Fins. Boots. Wetsuit. SMB. Computer. Torch. Camera equipment.

You rinse everything carefully, hang it all to dry, congratulate yourself on being responsible, and then discover something sitting in the bottom of your dive bag still covered in salt.

4. Where Am I Supposed to Put All This Stuff?

A recreational diver starts with a mask and fins.

A few years later, the same diver is carrying an SMB, reel, backup light, whistle, cutting tool, slate, camera and perhaps several mysterious clips whose original purpose has long been forgotten.

Eventually you reach the point where adding another D ring seems like a perfectly reasonable life decision.

5. The Post Dive Snot Situation

Nobody puts this in the diving advertisements.

You surface from an amazing dive, pull off your mask, smile proudly at everyone on the boat and suddenly discover that your sinuses have decided to empty themselves.

Underwater photography is beautiful.

Post dive photography can be less glamorous.

6. Everyone Descends Except You

Your buddy is already at 12 metres.

The group is disappearing toward the reef.

You are still at 3 metres.

Pinch.

Blow gently.

Wiggle the jaw.

Go up slightly.

Try again.

Meanwhile, the dive guide is staring upward asking the universal underwater question:

OK?

Not quite.

7. The Mask Ring

After the dive, everybody heads to a restaurant.

Unfortunately, your face is still wearing your dive equipment.

The mask is gone, but a perfect red outline remains around your eyes and forehead.

Other divers understand.

Everyone else assumes something unusual happened to you.

8. The Wetsuit Pee Debate

Sooner or later, nearly every diver faces the question.

Do I pee in my wetsuit?

The water is cold.

The bladder is full.

The temptation is considerable.

Then comes the warmth.

Then comes the realization that you still have another forty minutes underwater.

And if it is a rental wetsuit, an entirely different ethical debate begins.

9. The Mask That Fogged at Exactly the Wrong Moment

You cleaned it.

You used defog.

You spat in it.

You performed whatever mysterious ritual your dive instructor recommended twenty years ago.

The mask remains perfectly clear.

Until something incredible appears.

A manta ray.

A whale shark.

A dolphin.

Fog.

Suddenly you are experiencing one of the best wildlife encounters of your life through what appears to be bathroom glass after a hot shower.

10. The Buddy With Helicopter Fins

Most divers want a calm, relaxed buddy.

Occasionally you get someone who appears to be attempting underwater flight using only their arms and fins.

Every few seconds another fin passes dangerously close to your mask.

You spend half the dive admiring the reef and the other half performing defensive manoeuvres.

11. The Impossible Underwater Itch

At 30 metres, your nose begins to itch.

Not slightly.

This is suddenly the most important itch in human history.

Naturally, it happens exactly where your mask sits.

You try to ignore it.

You cannot.

At this point, removing your mask underwater starts feeling completely reasonable.

12. When Buoyancy Stops Cooperating

Perfect trim.

Perfect depth.

Perfect dive.

Then you add a little air to your BCD.

Nothing happens.

So you add a little more.

Still nothing.

One second later, physics remembers you exist.

Up you go.

You dump air while trying to recover whatever dignity remains as the rest of the group watches your brief attempt at becoming a submarine launched missile.

Of course, uncontrolled ascents are a genuine safety issue, which makes proper buoyancy training considerably more important than the comedy suggests.

13. Airport Baggage Mathematics

A diver packing for a holiday does not ask:

“What clothes should I bring?”

The real question is:

“How many T shirts can I remove so I can bring another regulator?”

Fins take up half the suitcase.

Dive equipment consumes the weight allowance.

Then you arrive at the airport and watch the luggage scale like someone waiting for medical test results.

22.7 kilograms.

Victory.

14. Every Holiday Somehow Becomes a Dive Trip

Your friends suggest Paris.

You search for diving nearby.

Someone suggests a mountain holiday.

You check whether there is a lake.

Someone proposes a relaxing beach resort.

Your first question is:

“Is there a dive centre?”

Eventually, choosing a holiday destination becomes less about hotels, food, museums or nightlife and more about water temperature and visibility.

15. The Post Dive Brain

After several dives, you return to the hotel exhausted and completely relaxed.

Someone at dinner asks you a simple question.

You stare at them.

Your computer may have completed all its calculations, but your brain apparently has not.

Your ears are still popping, your hair contains half the ocean, and mentally you are still floating somewhere over the reef.

And somehow, while you are sitting there exhausted, smelling slightly of neoprene and wondering whether you remembered to rinse your regulator, someone asks:

“So, are you diving tomorrow?”

Of course you are.

We Complain Because We Love It

Divers complain about wetsuits, baggage limits, leaking masks, fogging lenses, awkward boats and equipment that somehow becomes heavier every year.

Then we wake up before sunrise, carry everything back to the boat and do it all again.

Because once you descend beneath the surface and the noise disappears, most of those little frustrations suddenly seem completely worth it.

Until your nose starts itching again.